I used to hear the word commitment and cringe. It would make me feel like I was chained in and constricted. I could feel myself breathing a little more shallow like I was gasping for air.

I know it sounds over dramatic but I sort of had a phobia of commitment.

It wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized I actually very much enjoyed committing to things and people. I would stay in situations much longer than I needed to because I was so committed and loyal whether they were good for me or bad. Actually that is a judgement. Nothing is really good or bad for us, somethings are in alignment and some things we may have outgrown. Everything is what it is, it just depends what meaning we give it.

Once I changed what the word “commitment” meant to me, it changed my relationship with anything surrounding it. I realized through society and media, commitment had become one of those scary words that was portrayed commitment as something that you run away from – mostly men but since I had decided it was better to be more masculine I had taken on those traits to. (That is a whole another upcoming blog on why it felt safer to act like a man than a woman even though I am a woman. I thought men had it easier, I would be more successful if I acted like one, etc).

As I re-identified with the word “commitment” and changed it to mean a party for myself. I started to commit to more things and people at a deeper level. I noticed myself with more intimacy in all my relationships because now it was more fun instead of scary. It felt expansive to see all the possibilities that existed within all situations instead of always looking at the surface level. I was excited to be more committed to situations to see what would be created from them as I could spend more time nurturing and loving the situation without fear.

I ask you, “What does the word commitment mean to you?” and “What would you like to mean for you?”

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